dating, relationships, women

4 Signs He’s Not Into You: He Doesn’t Take You Out

A lot, if not all, of our beliefs and expectations of what dating should look like come from what we saw growing up as well as what we see in the media. You may have grown up watching your mom date. Maybe your parents were together, but you never saw them go out on dates. Perhaps, you saw your parents go out regularly. Then you throw in cleverly-written romantic comedies that are fun and heart-warming. Lastly, mix in all the sitcoms that end with a happily ever after and your expectations for dating may just be very different from reality.

Ladies, we’re now halfway through this blog series on 4 signs he’s not into you. We’ve touched on how to handle things when he’s not initiating texts or phone calls in your dating relationship (Check it out here- Second, we talked about what to do when he doesn’t introduce you to his friends and family (Read about it here- Now, we are going to talk about my third sign that he may not be into you, when he doesn’t take you out. 

Date-Night In

Okay, sure, it’s super easy to stay in nowadays. You can have practically anything you want to eat delivered right to your doorstep (even McDonalds?!). I’m not against staying in and having a cozy night at home. However, what if he doesn’t make the effort to take you out, like ever?

Maybe you and your love interest are pros at the take-out world or maybe you are caught up on all things Netflix and Hulu (We’re waiting Handmaid’s Tale). Do you just want to have a night out every once and a while where you go to a decent restaurant? Maybe you enjoy dressing up a bit or being adventurous and trying something new.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with desiring to have date nights as part of your relationship. Date nights keep relationships alive. We also tend to feel special when we can go out to some place new and exciting. Sure, there’s nothing wrong with cuddling up and watching one of your favorite shows or a good movie, but when you go out, you have the opportunity to experience something new together. You can try a new restaurant, bar, or pub. You can plan an activity that  you’ve always wanted to try. There are so many options! It just takes some effort. 

When He Takes You Out on Dates

When your love interest takes you out, it tells you a some things.

  1. That you are special to him.
  2. That he is willing to make an effort to do something that means something to you. 
  3. That he is willing to sacrifice for you (maybe it’s spending his hard earned money on you or the fact that he rather just get take-out).
  4. That’s he’s fun and enjoys adventure.

To be fair, sometimes the other person is truly not aware of your desires. I’m a huge fan of communicating your needs. No one can read minds, so sometimes we have to tell the person what we’d like and need. Also, I realize that sometimes finances can be tight. I don’t believe that alone is an excuse, however. This is not about your love interest taking you to the most expensive restaurant in your area. This is about him or her putting into action how he feels about you. Even with little money, a great date night can happen. With the internet, there are so many resources for free or inexpensive date night options. 

Where Do I Go From Here

If you notice that he typically shows no interest in going out on dates, pause, and look at the situation. 

  1. First, ask yourself if it’s okay with you. If you don’t mind, then there’s nothing further that needs to be done.
  2. If it isn’t okay, then give the other person a chance to change by expressing your needs and desires. 
  3. Maybe change isn’t happening or they pretty much tell you it’s not going to happen when you open up to them. At that point, you need to consider if this is your sign to move on. 
  4. Most often, if the other person is not making the effort in the beginning, when the newness of the relationship is fresh and exciting, it’s not likely to get any better. In the beginning of a relationship, we tend to want to impress the other person, so if he or she is not doing that, don’t expect it to be different in a few months.

Setting the Bar In Your Relationships

It’s important that you have “the bar” set before entering a relationship. There is no Mr. or Mrs. Perfect but there are certainly characteristics that are deal breakers for each of us. If you hate cigarette smoke, you aren’t going to want to date someone who smokes often. If you have steady, full-time employment, it’ll likely be difficult for you to date someone who is unemployed or is unable to maintain employment. I’m a big fan of writing things down on paper to help make sense of things. I encourage you to take some time to write down what you desire in the other person. Here are some brainstorming ideas:

  • What type of education would you like the other person to have at minimum?
  • Employment-wise, what are you expecting from the other person?
  • What about goals and ambition? Do you want to be with someone that has dreams he is working to achieve?

These are just a few examples of questions that will help you identify some basic characteristics of the people you desire to date. Hopefully, this will help you to avoid the people that just aren’t a good fit for you. With this list written out, you will likely be able to address whether you can be with someone who doesn’t take you out on dates. I know this is not important to some, but to others, it’s crucial.

If you find yourself unhappy in your current dating relationship, for reasons discussed today or for other reasons, email or call me to set up a time to talk so we can start working on creating more happiness for you in your relationships. [email protected] 904-204-9308.

Remember, you are worthy of love, so don’t settle for less than what you deserve.

Maria Inoa

Maria Inoa

Maria Inoa is a licensed clinical social worker and the owner of Full Potential Counseling. With over 12 years of experience, she specializes in working with women on building healthier relationships with themselves and others. She strongly believes that women are warriors and that every woman has worth, significance, and purpose. Maria provides in-person sessions at her office in the Ortega area as well as online sessions for the busy woman. For a free phone/online consultation or to schedule a session with Maria, call 904-204-9308 or email her at [email protected]