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dating, communication

4 Signs He’s Not Into You – You Initiate Communication

Communication problems are one of the most common issues in dating relationships, if not THE most common issue. But not just romantic relationships. Can you think of a time you had a disagreement with a friend or family member? It’s probably not that hard to think of one because communication is tough. We can’t read each other’s mind, so we often jump to conclusions. We tend to make assumptions based on what we *think* the other person means. However, this backfires because we most often are wrong. 

When you’re dating, communication is key. You want to get to know the other person, so what happens when your vision for the relationship turns out to be very different than reality?

Maybe you are frustrated because you feel you are always the one reaching out to your love interest?

Do you find yourself being the initiator of text conversations?

Are you the first one to call him/her?

Do you find yourself hyper focusing on what your love interest is thinking or doing in hopes of pinpointing the reason behind why he or she hasn’t texted/called?

If any of those sound like your current situation, you are not alone. I talk to a lot of women who are frustrated and disappointed by communication issues in their current dating relationship. If you are the initiator of most, if not all, conversations, then that’s a huge red flag about the status of your relationship.

Why We Want to Connect

Let’s start with talking about some of the reasons why you want to connect with the other person. 

  • You are genuinely interested in them.
  • You want to hear their voice.
  • They make you feel happy and/or laugh.
  • You want them to know you’re interested. 
  • You are hoping that you can develop a deeper relationship with the other person.

If the other person is not initiating conversation, stop and ask yourself why? Maybe they do not feel the same way as you do like we just discussed above. I know a lot of times we will keep reaching out in efforts to keep the connection alive. Try to remember that if the person is truly interested, he/she will reach out. You can’t convince the other person to be interested.

Key Truths

Remember a few key truths:

  1. The lack of communication does not mean there’s something wrong with you.
  2. It’s possible the other person has something they are dealing with where they can’t give energy to a new relationship.
  3. Your time and energy are your most precious resources. If this person isn’t the right fit, another will come along. 

Communication After a Few Months

If you have been dating someone for a while, and his/her communication starts to decrease, I definitely suggest having a face-to-face conversation where you bring your concerns, very calmly, to the other person. In this case, you have established a relationship or at least have been dating for a few months. In fairness, I would let the other person know how you feel because it may be something that can be fixed. Try these steps:

  1. Work out a time to sit down and chat.
  2. Make sure there are as few distractions as possible (ahem, phones down).
  3. Speak calmly.
  4. Speak from your perspective. In other words, use phrases that start with “I feel _____ because ______.” Otherwise, you will likely sound as if you are accusing the other person and they will in turn become defensive.
  5. Practice listening – it’s so easy to jump in and talk over one another.
  6. Ask your signifiant other to follow these guidelines as well before you get started.

If the person seems unbothered by your concerns, and you do not see an increase in their initiating communication, you may need to ask yourself whether this relationship is still a good fit for you. You know the old saying, “actions speak louder than words?” If he/she says they care about you but don’t make efforts to communicate, you have to ask yourself if they truly do care about you. 

If you find yourself dealing with communication problems in your dating life or in a particular relationship and you’re not sure how to deal, let’s schedule a session so we can chat more and get you to a place of clarity. Email or call me at [email protected]/904-204-9308.

*You are so worthy of love, so don’t settle for less than what you deserve.*

Maria Inoa

Maria Inoa

Maria Inoa is a licensed clinical social worker practicing in the state of Florida. She specializes in working with teens and young professionals on a variety of issues, including low self-esteem, life transitions, relationships, and depressive symptoms. She desires to help people live a better life, as defined by each individual person. Maria has 15 years of experience and has a private practice in Jacksonville, Florida. To schedule a session with Maria, call 904-204-9308. Email me: [email protected] or visit our website: fullpotentialcounseling.com