friendships, relationships

How Not To Be A Terrible Friend in 3 Easy Steps: Step 2

Step 2: Don’t Neglect Your Friends

Have you ever started dating someone and become totally consumed with them? You can’t stop thinking about how hot they are, their gorgeous eyes, that smile that makes your heart melt, and how they make you laugh. You want to be with them all the time because they make you feel good, and who doesn’t want to feel happy? But, where are your amazing friends in all of this lovey dovey stuff?

This series came about after a lot of my clients were voicing similar difficulties with friends, especially when they were going through a particularly rough time in their life. The first post in this series focused on step 1: listening more, talking less. You can check it out here:

The Second Step

The second step is about not spending all your time with the guy you’re dating or your husband so that you end up neglecting your friends. I can say that in the example above, I’ve both been the person being consumed with infatuation as well as on the other side missing my friend. I had to learn the hard way to not ignore my friends just because I’m dating someone.

Infatuation VS Friendship

Emotions are so strong that the infatuation we feel in the first weeks of a dating relationship can really take over. It’s like we eat, sleep, and breathe this new person in our lives. It’s hard to even see straight at times. Those happy feelings are addictive, and we want to keep them coming. This is where it comes back to the fact that all relationships, including friendships, take work, a lot of work. Let’s break this down a bit and focus on how not to be a terrible friend while dating someone new.

The Do’s and Don’ts of Spending Time With Friends

  1. Do make it a point to continue seeing your friends. If you have a night you usually get together, keep it. Let the guy you’re dating know that night is reserved for your friends.
  2. If you don’t have a given night you tend to get together, then do consider starting one. Life gets busy, quick. When you add in the fact that you’re dating someone new, the days can fly by. Maybe you start a girls night where you all meet up for cocktails and dinner at one of your favorites spots or you have night in where you just catch up over wine and pizza.
  3. If nothing else, do text or call your friends regularly to say hello and ask how things are going for them. Don’t wait for them to text or call you. If you value them, always let them know through your actions if nothing else. Stay tuned for more about that issue in my next post.

Keeping In Touch With Friends When Married

In general, I think the above steps apply to the married ladies as well. However, I think seeing each other biweekly or at minimum once a month is okay. Time really flies by and can get away from us. Again, I believe that having a pre-planned and agreed upon day/night that works for most, if not all, makes it so much easier to make happen. Put it on your calendar and go out and have fun, lots and lots of fun.

To wrap up, we’ve talked about not neglecting your friends when you’re in a dating relationship and even when you’re married. Figure out a system that works to maintain the friendship if you truly value it. Pick a particular day or night every week or month that works and let that be your time with friends. Your entire being, down to your soul, benefits from time with friends, so make them a priority. Anybody worth your time will understand and not mind you taking the time to be with your friends. don’t forget to reach out in the small but meaningful ways as well, such as texting and calling. A simple “hi, just thinking about you” can go a long way.

Do you find yourself struggling to stay in touch with friends while dating? Maybe you’re coming out of a relationship or marriage and really need your friends but realize that you’ve neglected them for a long time. I’d love to talk more and help you feel more at peace in this area of your life. Email me at [email protected] You can also head over to my website where I have a free download of my most popular tip for getting over a relationship and finding yourself again.

Maria Inoa

Maria Inoa

Maria Inoa is a licensed clinical social worker and the owner of Full Potential Counseling. With over 12 years of experience, she specializes in working with women on building healthier relationships with themselves and others. She strongly believes that women are warriors and that every woman has worth, significance, and purpose. Maria provides in-person sessions at her office in the Ortega area as well as online sessions for the busy woman. For a free phone/online consultation or to schedule a session with Maria, call 904-204-9308 or email her at [email protected]