Are You Hoping He’ll Change?
“I’ll change this time. Just give me another chance, and I’ll show you. I promise.”
Do these words sound familiar?
Are you with someone who “changes” for a couple of weeks or so but then goes back to their old behaviors?
What do you do?
This depends on a lot of factors. How long have you been together? Has this been a pattern during the relationship? Do you find yourself having conversations with your significant other, expressing what you need from them, only to see the changes either never happen OR happen for a brief period of time before they return to their old ways?
If you feel like you are trying harder than your significant other, then that’s a red flag. If you are exhausting yourself trying to get him to change, it’s time to stop. If this is something you’re struggling with, here’s what I suggest:
Take some time to reflect on the relationship. Get a piece of paper or journal and start making notes of how your relationship has played out. Be honest with yourself. What behavior or behaviors does your significant tother display that you are struggling with?
Ask yourself some important questions:
Is the behavior you wish he would change a deal breaker or no?
If he never changes, can you see yourself staying or is it necessary for him to change in order for you to continue to give yourself to the relationship?
If it’s a deal breaker, then I suggest giving him a time frame to change and maintain those changes. People will use the word “ultimatum” but it doesn’t matter what you call it to be honest. Remember, actions speak louder than words. If he doesn’t maintain the changes, he most likely NEVER will.
If the behavior is not that bad, and therefore, not a deal breaker to you, then there needs to be some thought as to how you can change how you handle the frustrating behavior.
Remember that you cannot change someone. They have to want to change.
It can be hard to swallow this truth, but the person you are meant to be with will want to do better and never risk losing you. We can overcomplicate it, but that is the truth plain and simple. If you find yourself in this cycle of trying to get your signifiant other to improve and change his behaviors, know that you are not stuck and there is hope.
You can click here to schedule a free consultation call. We’ll chat about how I can help you break the cycle you’re in and help get you on the healing path to your dream partner.