Are You Settling?
I don’t know about you but I can say for certain that I’ve been in romantic relationships in the past where I’ve stayed for much longer than I should have. Settling means staying in a relationship when the relationship has run its course. There can be different reasons for staying, but I’ve found in my work with women that the following reasons are most common:
The first is companionship. Companionship means you have someone that’s there to hang out with, talk to, and share life with on some level. Companionship is almost a relationship you’d have with a roommate. They’re usually there no matter what and because of that, it gives us a feeling of comfort.
The second reason women stay is to avoid the icky feeling of loneliness. Feeling lonely is certainly an uncomfortable feeling. Many women believe that staying is better than being alone. The truth is that the intensity of the loneliness will subside. However, you have to get through the transition period.
A third reason women stay in unhealthy relationships is their fears. They fear what will happen if they decide to end it. They fear the other person’s reaction and don’t want to hurt them and/or they fear they won’t find anyone else.
The last reason I find that causes women to stay in a relationship is comfort. That saying about being stuck in your comfort zone is exactly what I’m talking about here. If you’ve been with the person an extended period of time, you likely find a strong sense of comfort in the relationship. You and your significant other probably have certain routines and patterns that you follow. This person knows you very well and probably knows a lot of your personal struggles. All of these aspects make the idea of ending the relationship so difficult even if the relationship is unhealthy and/or going nowhere.
So what do you if you feel you are in one of these boats?
Start listening to your intuition. The best way to do this is to take time to be still. Try to quiet things around you and just notice what comes up inside. Then write it down.
Make a list of the positive aspects of your relationship and then a list of the negative aspects. Kind of like a pros and cons list. Seeing things in writing can often bring us a lot of clarity.
What are your personal goals? What about as a couple? Does your vision align with his both personally and as a couple?
Are you happy? It’s normal for couples to argue but the good times should far outweigh the not so good times.
Take some time to think over each of these to help you gain clarity on whether or not you are settling in your current relationship.